I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
You made out with two different species that night
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
