I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
