im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
