I met the friendliest cop last night
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
