why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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