I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
