I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
