wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
