i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
