i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
