Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
