I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize