So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
