If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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