so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
