my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
