She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize