just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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