if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
She needs sedatives and a leash
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
