I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Randomize
