Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
