I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
