i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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