I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Watching her eat just hurts me
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
