Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize