Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
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