Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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