Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
