Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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