9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
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