And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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