Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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