You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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