break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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