i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
