they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
