May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
