zippers are such a cool invention
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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