Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
