i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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