new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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