So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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