you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
