Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
