is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
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