my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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