that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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