yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
