I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
