I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
