Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
so much tequila, so little girl.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
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