so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
