Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
