Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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