piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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