I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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