Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
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stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
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Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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