just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Randomize
