I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My penis needs a shock collar
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
