All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
