im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
