You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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