when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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