can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
