you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
