Just fell off a train. Bad.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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