youre lurking in front of me
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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