Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
