The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
When did angry sex become our thing?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
