I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
