i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
