I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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