Are we in a gay sports bar?
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
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Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
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Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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