ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize