we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
