PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
