I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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