Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
