yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
