I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
