Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
