he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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