He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
