so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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