Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
