We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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