Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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